When Your Friends Don’t Have Kids…

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After several failed attempts at trying to get pregnant, I started to accept that it might not just happen for me. But one day, out of the blue, I took a pregnancy test and finally after two years of trying, got a positive result.

This test changed everything!

And one of the biggest areas it affected—and one I least expected—was my relationship with my friends.

I was the first of the gang to get pregnant. When your friends don’t have kids, you are in for an awakening!

Here are some things to consider when everyone around you is sans kids.

They Don't Get That You Can't Just Pick-Up And Go

One of the most frustrating things for me was the fact that I couldn’t just pick up and go to all my friends impromptu plannings and that they didn’t understand that.

Whether it be a party or a weekend getaway, your friends without kids don’t realize the effort it takes to get a sitter (especially last minute), or the fact that it’s difficult for you to leave your baby to begin with since you’re nursing or trying to get them on a schedule.

I remember the first time my girlfriends planned a girls night out with less than an hours notice and I couldn’t go (plus, there’s the lovely fact that I was still enduring my postpartum bleeding).

I felt very lonely and left out.

So, I spoke to them and now they try to make plans more ahead of time so I can be apart of the fun!

When you have a baby, your friendships change with those who are childless.

You need and deserve to form friendships with others who are in the same boat as you are—tired, cranky, and ready for bed at 8pm—but who wouldn’t change anything about their new life for a second!

Don’t Be Surprised If They Don’t Come to Birthday Parties

Your friends are there for you no matter what, right?

Well, I guess not when it comes to birthday parties.

After sending out invites to all my friends for my son’s first birthday party, not one of them RSVP’d!

When checking in with them, I got a variety of answers from them. From, “Oh, I thought you were joking,” to “I don’t do kids’ parties.”

Again, I was very hurt because I thought they’d want to share in our special day, but until you become a parent, I learned that you really don’t understand the significance of a first birthday party.

You Have Big Aspirations to Stay Up But You Just Can’t (And They Can)

A new baby takes a lot out of you.

You are totally exhausted. You’re constantly busy feeding, changing, and soothing a crying baby. You are lucky if you can fit in a shower, let alone work out or do anything for yourself.

You truly do need a night out!

And, when one rolls around, you’re pretty unlikely to attend.

Why?

Friends without kids go out late. Like 9 or 10 o’clock late. For them this is early. For you, this is several hours past your bedtime.

So, while you have big plans to get dressed up, put on makeup, and take a few shots and dance the night away, your reality is trading your fancy ensemble for a cozy pair of sweats and binging on all the shows you’ve missed on your Netflix when you finally get the baby down.

I remember the first time this happened to me. My son just turned three months old. We finally got him on a solid sleep schedule and he was much easier to manage.

My husband was on baby duty and I indulged in a hot, peaceful shower. I broke out my mascara, eyeliner, the skinny jeans I finally fit back into, and a new top that had been begging to be worn in my closet for weeks.

And, what happened?

My friend called and said that our 7 o’clock departure was going to turn into an 8 o’clock departure. No problem, right?

Wrong!

I thought I’d be fine waiting for her to pick me up if I sat on the couch and caught up on Breaking Bad. But, before I knew it, I woke up at midnight with several missed calls.

My lovely husband passed out beside me and I missed my big night out. Oh well, at least I looked nice!

My friends thought I was lame, but they had no idea what it was like to need a nap!

When you have a baby, your friendships change with those who are childless.

Try to be patient, understanding, and don’t be afraid to go out there and meet up with mommy groups and make new friends.

You need and deserve to form friendships with others who are in the same boat as you are—tired, cranky, and ready for bed at 8pm—but who wouldn’t change anything about their new life for a second!

How have your relationships changed with friends who don't have children?

Guest Author

katetrout
About {Kate}

Kate Trout is a coffee lover, cheese aficionado, and mom to the two cutest little kids. She’s also the blogger behind the parenting website Maternity Glow, where she writes about parenting tips & baby registry guides for new and expecting moms.