What? I Have to Teach Them How to be Siblings, Too?

Let me start by saying that I was a snot toward my sister when we were younger. Allow me to share just one instance with you to help illustrate the level of my {snotness} …

Once, as a grade-schooler, my sister and I were singing a hymn at church when I looked down at her and told her – with that older sister snotty attitude of mine – that she should never sing again. I was very clear on the “ever” part. She was probably 7 at the time, and at the ripe old age of 10, I had single-handedly stopped her from singing. Why? The simplest answer is that I was a snot. Our mom didn’t hear the exchange or witness how I had so rudely shut her down; but decades later, I still feel bad and have apologized several times for being so unkind to my younger sister.

If you have siblings, then you might have similar stories where you were a snot to them (or they to you); one might say that it is a rite of passage in this life. Siblings travel on different journeys, but always within an arm’s reach of each other at the dinner table, the back seat, and in my case, the church pew.

When I became a mom of two kids (followed by a third), I realized that I needed to break the sibling-snot-cycle once and for all. In my house, I often blurt out “we need to do better by each other, because this is the safest place to be in the whole world.”

Dramatic much?  YES! But necessary when you are trying to create a space where support is crucial.

Let me stop here and say that our home is {NOT} full of compromise, perfection, and team-building trust fall exercises. Not even close! We don’t get it right all the time, but we are intentional about trying to be good to one another and not fighting dirty.

I am raising my kids (11, 8, and 4 1/2) to fight clean and support one another. For us, that includes:

> No name-calling. Period.

> No typecasting: Nerds wear glasses, band geeks, etc.

> No derogatory teasing: The kid that slams someone to the ground without laying a hand on them. (See the singing story example.)

> Can’t be historical when fighting: I don’t want a dramatic reenactment of something that happened two months ago.

> Can’t be hysterical: We work on keeping our composure in order to be able to communicate. This is hard work – daily hard work.  We try our best to calm down to work through feelings, accusations, and to find the facts.

> We encourage working together: Asking for help, respecting private time, and having fun together.

A couple of specific things have helped us to be more supportive over the years and I hope they help you as you help your children become intentional siblings. We eat most meals together and share our lives with each other as that happens. We have limited technology time after homework. We don’t have TV’s in the kids’ bedrooms, so we often have to compromise when we watch a show. And they still play with each other! There are constantly laser gun sounds firing and kids chasing one another throughout the house. I love the chaos that ensues!

Sure, they might not always get along and sometimes I would like them to leave each other alone – but most of the time, I am happy with how they choose to support, celebrate and enjoy one another.

My goal is to help them continue to be better siblings than their former-snot mama was to her sister.

Have you given much thought to teaching your kids how to be siblings? I would love to hear what you think and definitely what works for your family – mostly so I can steal it and try it with my own family. 😉

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Kristin Wooldridge
My sense of self has deepened over the past five years and I have enjoyed sharing my experiences, reflections and thoughts on life with my readers for the past two years at Boldly Blessed. A lot of my posts are relatable during this season of searching for more and seeing ourselves as not only moms, but as women. I am committed to being the real version of myself and knowing that I am a work in progress. I believe everyone is boldly blessed, but that we need to recognize our innate giftedness in order to receive those blessings. Moms can easily support their children’s talents, but we also need to nurture how amazing we are individually and collectively as women. I have three children (son, 10 1/2; daughter, 8; and son, 4), I have been the MOPS@2BC executive ministry leader for the past seven years, and I am pursuing my Masters of Divinity in the CREATE program at Central Baptist Theological Seminary. I have always lived in the Kansas City area, but I love to travel and recently spent a week in India. I grew up by Smithville Lake, went to college in Liberty, lived in KC and now reside in Liberty. I have been married fourteen years to my William Jewell College sweetheart. My life hasn’t always been perfect as the paragraphs above make it seem. (That is what is great about highlight reels!) I have traveled through harder times and found strength, community and support in the midst of chaos, loneliness and the great unknown. I am excited to share this community with you! You can follow my personal blog: www.boldlyblessed.com

2 COMMENTS

  1. I think fostering strong sibling relationships is one the most important things that I can do for my kids (6,5, and 3). The older two are boys and they share a room which I think helps with their relationship. I encourage them to have an open door policy for their little sister and include her in their play as much as possible. We also encourage the oldest to read to his younger siblings and nothing melts my heart more when I find all three on the top bunk and they are reading a book together without being told to. We also eat meals together and try to do family activities on the weekends. I know that as they get older there will be more challenges, but I like the guidelines that you have for your family. Thanks so much for sharing.

  2. My kids are 6 & 4. We are working on talking to each other in a speaking voice. They are both so passionate. Thanks for the great ideas.

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