SIDS – A Topic I Wish I Knew Nothing About

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Lilly 12 weeks

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome aka SIDS was a problem people USED to deal with…kind of like AIDS, right? At least that was MY perception with my first pregnancy back in 2007. It was a nice surprise pregnancy for my husband and I after 4+ years of marriage. We were excited and terrified all at the same time. Anyone been there?!?! As first time parents, we read a lot of books, attended child birth and child rearing classes, and thought we had this parenting thing figured out before our little girl even entered the world! Now looking back, I have to admit that I was naive and horribly unaware of all that can go wrong.

I think everyone has heard of SIDS, especially if you are a parent. I had heard of it and thought I knew most of what I needed to protect my child. Here is what I probably would have said if you asked me what it was 5 years ago. “SIDS is when babies fall asleep and never wake up. Mainly to impoverished people in third world countries with bad sleep environments…like a cardboard box. The incidence has really declined, I don’t know anyone that it has ever happened to.” Does that sound familiar, or like anything you would have said? You don’t have to make me feel better by saying yes, because truthfully, I hope I am the only one that has ever thought that way.

So, back to the story. I had a great healthy pregnancy and put together an adorable nursery for our little girl. No ceiling fan for her, only a chandelier would do! “What? Crib bumpers are not safe, but the crib would look so boring without them. I guess I can take them out when she starts moving around the crib.” I did not want her sleeping in our room too long either, so by two weeks old she slept in her own crib. Life was great with our sweet Lilly. She was growing big and smiled all of the time. She was a GREAT sleeper too. By 12 weeks she had started rolling over, and so I had a few conversations with some other Moms about it. They assured me that once a baby started rolling over, then “back to sleep” didn’t really matter anymore. I had other Moms say that their babies actually slept BETTER on their backs, but they didn’t really worry either.

She stayed with a sweet lady each day while I was at work. She had kept children for years. She was big on sleep comforts, so there were blankets and pillows in the cribs and babies could sleep on their stomachs if they wanted. I remember always thinking that her home was a little warm too. Maybe I had a “twinge” of Mom instinct over some of these things, but I let her experience override my instinct and I did not speak up.

When our sweet girl, Lilly, was 14 weeks old, she passed away at her baby sitter’s house. It was a nightmare event and I will never forget the emergency room scene that day. I know these are difficult things to read about. Trust me when I say they are even more difficult to share. I just can’t help but worry that there may be other Moms out there who were not aware of the risk factors of SIDS. If even one family can be impacted by the story, then it was worth sharing it.

Let’s talk about what SIDS is not:

  • preventable, but the risk can be reduced by placing the baby on his or her back to sleep on a firm surface, by making sure the baby has a smoke-free environment, and by keeping the baby from being overheated
  • suffocation
  • caused by vomiting and choking or by minor illnesses such as colds or infection
  • caused by the diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus (DPT) vaccines or other immunizations
  • contagious
  • child abuse or neglect
  • the cause of every unexpected infant death

Sids is:

  • the major cause of death in infants from 1 month to 1 year of age, with most deaths occurring between 2 and 4 months
  • sudden and silent—the infant was seemingly healthy
  • a death often associated with sleep and with no signs of suffering
  • a recognized medical disorder
  • determined only after an autopsy, an examination of the death scene, and a review of the infant’s and family’s clinical histories
  • a diagnosis of exclusion
  • an infant death that leaves unanswered questions, causing intense grief for parents and families

How can you reduce the risk?

  • make sure that everyone who cares for your baby puts the baby on his or her back to sleep for the first year
  • use a firm, tight-fitting mattress in a crib that meets current safety standards
  • remove pillows, quilts, comforters, sheepskins, stuffed toys, and other soft products from the crib
  • dress your baby in sleep clothing so that you will not have to use any other covering over the baby
  • make sure the baby’s head remains uncovered during sleep
  • keep your baby warm, but not too warm. Keep air circulating in the room.
  • make sure that everyone who cares for your baby understands the dangers of soft bedding
  • avoid adult beds, waterbeds, sofas, or other soft surfaces for sleep.
  • allow the child to “room in” for the first 6 months. Consider a co-sleeper or pack’n’play

There have been great strides in recent research related to SIDS. One study released in 2010 found a link between low serotonin (a hormone that controls breathing, responds to rebreathing too much carbon dioxide, and regulates blood pressure and body temperature, which are all important in sleeping and waking) and SIDS. This study connected so many unknown factors together. While it was a great breakthrough, they are still years away from a solution. Researchers still have to find a way to identify at risk infants and then treat the serotonin deficiency. It will be a great day when no one has to go through what we went through!

I know it is a yucky topic and controversial at times, but I wanted to share my experience as a mom that wishes she had a “do over” with some of the choices I made. It might not have made any difference in the outcome, but what if it did…

 


10 COMMENTS

  1. Oh my, Lilly was so beautiful… I’m so sorry for your loss. This cannot be easy to talk/write/or think about. But thank you so much for sharing. I’ll admit I didn’t know much about SIDS until now. And I definitely didn’t know about any new breakthroughs of information on SIDS recently. It’s something no one wants to think about, but we should all know!

  2. Oh Jennifer I am so sorry your family had to go through this. I almost didn’t want to read the post in fear of how emotional it would make me, so I can’t imagine the pain it causes you. Thank you for bringing up this topic as I know it is a work you never even want to think about as a parent. The information you shared is invaluable to all caregivers. I am so thankful your family knows the healing power and love of Jesus. 

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. A few years ago, we celebrated with my former principal as she had a beautiful baby girl over the start of the school year, then only to mourn with her as she lost that same baby girl 3 1/2 months later to SIDS. She quietly went to sleep and never woke up. This was on my mind as I had my first child, and still haunts me to this day. In her case, just like yours, she did everything right and it still wasn’t prevented. Sometimes you just have to find peace that it’s all in God’s hands. 

    • I am pretty sure I know your principal well. Our daughters were very close in age and she was at the elementary in my neighborhood. Sweet family!

  4. I can only echo what Lauren said, as I think her comment was so very eloquent and well-stated. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Lilly. But thank you for sharing your story and allowing parents and childcare providers alike to learn from your heartbreak. 

  5. Thank you for sharing. I am sorry for your loss, you are very courageous. Thinking about your sweet angel today.

  6. Hello Jennifer your past as you stated was bumpy and rough along with the death of your child but having so many joyful moments with Lucy evaporates and extinguished all of those crude feelings. Inspired by the prevention and advocation of the danger of SIDS I would like to have your permission to share your story with on my Facebook page “SIDS Awareness”. If you are thinking I’m just trying to use your story for advertisement well the answer is simply no…..parents across America are affected by SIDS, as I was with the death of my baby brother at 2 months. I want to express to viewers all across America the joys iof remembrance and to believe in the hope of discovering a medical cure for this disorder

    • Continued…..and furthermore
      I would be utterly grateful to share the story of another life to viewers
      Across the world and if you have any other questions pertaining to the matter feel free to email me at [email protected] for more info.
      Thank You for the consideration
      Kaleb Waddell

  7. I’m so sorry for your loss, Jennifer. Thank you for sharing your story. It really is tremendously important for us parents to know that these things do happen to “people like us” and that we have the power to reduce the risks.

    That sweet picture of Lilly in that Aggie jersey is too precious. My husband and I both went to A&M. Bless your little angel in heaven.

  8. I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Lilly, Jennifer, and the experience you had to go through. You are both in our prayers. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story.

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