“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” The teacher in me knows that this is a quote from a classic book, but the sleep-deprived mother in me can’t remember what it’s called. But, can any other quote so perfectly describe this season of life?
I find myself torn on a daily basis with conflicting emotions, I can go from being filled with motherly pride (Look how well he wrote his name….) to sudden anger (….all over the living room wall) in a matter of seconds. Motherhood is a constant love/hate relationship.
I love when my babies are babies. Their tiny fingers and toes, the way they smell and that they just want to cuddle all the time. Life does not get better than a morning spent rocking my baby while he sleeps. But, oh to sleep myself again! As much as I want him to stay a baby as long as possible, I can’t wait until he is big enough to sleep through the night, to feed himself, to walk so I don’t have to carry him everywhere. I find myself counting down the days for the next stage to come, while simultaneously praying he will stay little forever.
I love when I finally get an hour alone, whether it’s just a Target run or something fancy like a pedicure. Nobody crawling all over me. No 10,000 questions. No boogers being wiped on my shirt. But then 10 minutes into my freedom, I start hating that they aren’t with me. Are they having fun? Do they miss me? Why do I spend my precious time to myself thinking about the kids I was trying to get away from?!
Are they having fun? Do they miss me? Why do I spend my precious time to myself thinking about the kids I was trying to get away from?!
A Balancing Act
I love being a mom and I had been dreaming about it for years. My children are my world and I love raising them. Their stories make me laugh all the time and their smiles melt my heart, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Sometimes though, I hate that a mom is all I am identified as. My own thoughts and who I was before them seems to get lost, and to some people it doesn’t really seem to matter. They think that because I am a mom all I have to talk about is my kids and all I do is wear yoga pants and hang out in the school pick-up line.
I guess the lesson is, mothering ain’t easy. It is mostly love, but I learned fast that consistency went out the door the moment my first son was born.
And I have been living a life of contradictions ever since.
How about you, mamas? Any contradictions in your daily lives??
Contributing Sister Site and Author
Jessica Becker is co-owner of Scottsdale Moms Blog. She is the mother of three extremely energetic boys (4, 3 and 3 months) and wife to her wonderful husband of five years, Mark. She is a former elementary teacher turned stay at home mom and part time barre3 fitness instructor. She loves to spend time reading good books, running outside, iced lattes, trying out new healthy recipes for her family, and coming up with creative activities to keep her boys busy.